Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, They're right behind you!
Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
I would tell you a construction joke, but I'm still building the punchline.
What did one hat say to the other hat? "You stay here; I'll go on ahead."
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
I'm friends with all electricians. We have great current connections.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, "This changes everything."
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
Why did the computer catch a cold? It had a bad case of Windows.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I had to take his bike away.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
I would like to give a big shoutout to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!
I would tell you a construction joke, but I'm still building the punchline.
What did one hat say to the other hat? "You stay here; I'll go on ahead.
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
I'm friends with all electricians. We have great current connections.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, "This changes everything.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
Why did the computer catch a cold? It had a bad case of Windows.
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.
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